Monday, November 12, 2012

Goodbye.

It all started with a couple of words:

"Well, all I know is that I want to take a look back at 2010.
What a year that was. So much happened, everything changed. I became the Kelsey Edwards that I am today. And that's not to say that that came easily.


And it ended with 664 published posts. Over 250,000 total views. Over 500 viewers a day. And a new perspective on life.

My blog.

A day in the life of Kelsey Edwards.

This post is probably the hardest I have ever had to write, and I've written about my depression, eating disorders, broken heart, obsession with the Jonas Brothers and bullying (and lets not forget about all the AWESOME AND HAPPY stuff I wrote about).. So to say this is my hardest post really means something.

My blog was my life and my soul. Everything you read came straight from my heart. The pain you read about was the pain I felt, and the joys you read - well, same thing. My blog saved me. It really did. Because it was never about needing to express my feelings on a piece of paper and have them somewhere other than my head.

It was all about you. My readers. My friends.

All I ever wanted from this blog was to help you guys out. To make you smile when you needed a laugh; to make you feel like you had a friend when everyone else was walking away; to make you feel less alone even though loneliness is all you ever felt; to help you realize that growing up, despite popular belief, is NOT easy; to help you realize the things you are going through are normal and you aren't a freak; and to realize that it gets better.

All I ever wanted to do was help. Even if my blog touched just one person's life I feel like it was a success. That's all this ever was. And I feel like it did a really good job. And truly, it touched my life. It changed me. It made me think deeper, like really deep, into those thoughts that sometimes you don't want to think. But it also made me a more empathetic person, what would my readers find beneficial? What can I do to help put a smile on someone's face today?

This whole blog was a crazy ride, and it started because I have always been a girl with a thousand thoughts and a thousand struggles - and I thought if I could use my experiences to help someone get through life a little easier, well why wouldn't I?

And I am not ending my blog because I don't want to help anymore. But because I have shared my story. I have over 600 posts to prove it. My blog will always be here to help those who need it. As will I. You just have to come and find me in a different way.

I am in a phase of my life where I don't know where I am going or where I am going to end up, which is so exciting, terrifying and exhausting. And it leaves me with little to say. Right now I have to focus on me, and getting myself to where I need to be.

I am so broken hearted saying goodbye to my blog.

But it really isn't a goodbye. Not really. It's just a "see ya later".

I will always have something to say and I will always have a story to share, but for now - I am taking a break.

I really want to say thank you to everyone who has made this blog experience so amazing for me. Thank you so much for reading. You don't even know, putting my heart out there is so hard because it is so easy to stomp it when it is out there in the open (which people did), but that never mattered. All that mattered was the people that took something away from my blog.

So I want to leave you with one last thought:

Remember, life is hard no matter what hand you are given. But you are always given choices - you can throw in the towel and let life walk all over you, or you can fight for a good life. You can fight for your dreams, the things you love and desire.. and find that life is a lot like a rollarcoaster. There are ups and downs, and at times it gets a little scary and you want it all to end - but at the end of it all, it leaves you feeling so proud, so accomplished and like you overcame something huge - and that feeling is worth everything.

We are born to die. But we are meant to live.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Hottest Nail Trend

This has absolutely nothing to do with what current fashion trends are, because I don't exactly follow them. It probably is a big fashion trend for all I know. But really, I like what I like, sometimes its in, sometimes it isn't. But what I do know with 100% certainty is that right now there is one nail trend that I just can't get enough of. And it is so simple but I've never really seen it til lately and I LOVE IT.

Grey nails.

Simple. Elegant. But edgy. It's the kind of colour that says "I may look tame and even a little innocent, but if you get to know me you might find I have a wild side." And I am pretty sure it also indicates a wink-face.

Because black nails can be a little over the top sometimes, even though I do like them - but grey, damn, grey is where its at!

Here is my favourite brand/colour right now:


It's called "Break a leg-warmer" and is sephora by OPI. I love this brand so much because it is made by opi, so you know its high quality, but its made for regular girls like us - who ARENT professional nail do-ers (i cant think of the proper title lol). Try it out! You'll love it.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Why I Hate Singing Shows:

I hate singing shows for two reasons.

1. I love them. SO MUCH. To the point where they take over my life (hello x factor)

2. They make me want to be a good singer so bad that it actually hurts and so I end up singing EVERYTHING. Every thing I am doing I end up vocalizing to the tune of some song (any song, right now its IRIS but 10 minutes ago it was moulin rouge). And thats lame as shit.




Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Inspiration.

“You don’t know how strong you are, until being strong is the only chance you have.”

“There’s no point to living unless you make history and the best way to make history is to help others.”

“Everyone wants what they can’t have. But not everyone goes after it.”

“I think scars are like battle wounds - beautiful, in a way. They show what you’ve been through and how strong you are for coming out of it.”

“One of the most scariest things in life, is when you come to the realization that the only thing that can save you is yourself.”

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

How MySpace Helped Me FOREVER

So most of you have no idea what I do as a job, and its really a long story so lets just say I am currently consulting helping with implementation of a new medical record system at a family health team.

So not only do I help with the clinical side of things, I help with setting up the program and the system and the contents and this includes programming sometimes.

And I dont actually work for the system's company, I am just like a weird little consultant... So a lot of the stuff I have self-taught myself because I am so comfortable with computers and html BECAUSE MYSPACE TAUGHT ME!


Like, actually.

HTML coding is pretty easy, I learned when I was 14... but back in the day I pimped out my myspace page. I came up with the HTML codes to create my own backgrounds, to add italics, etc...

But the other day I was showing my boss how to do something, and I was so non-challent about the codes. I was like well obviously < br > adds a line break and < b > bolds it and all this stuff is just formatting so we ignore it its great the way it is.

and he was just like

..... wat?

And I realized what an edge myspace gave me. I am so comfortable with HTML coding that I totally didn't realize that its not common.

THANKS MYSPACE.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

*MORE* Proof I am a Natural Blonde

LOL.

So like.

This past weekend, I was in Guelph with my friends - and the day after we partied, we went out for breakfast (which turned into a four hour ordeal and included free (stolen) caesars). Anyway, beside the point. We went to breakfast and we ended up at Wimpys.

So we were waiting for our food (I got a breakfast burrito DUH) and we were in the back corner, and then there was a room with tables right behind us (with a wall separating us) and I turned around and there was a mirror. So I was looking at myself in the mirror and was just like

"So.. like.. Do you think they can see us in the other room??..... oh wait.... its yeah, a mirror."

And it was SO OBVIOUSLY a mirror. Not even close to being like a 2 way mirror. It was just like, not even like "oh maybe thats a 2 way mirror." it was more like "thats a freaking mirror you blonde idiot."

we laughed for like a million hours.

Which makes me happy because its probably not that funny, but being with amazing friends made it so funny.

Friday, November 2, 2012

The First Break

They always say the first heart break is the hardest, and honestly - I agree. I've had a hard time ever accepting that because I've never really been in love, but that doesn't mean my heart hasn't been broken. Because it has. A lot.

Not just by boys, either. But by friends... Finding out someone isn't who you think they are and feeling not only sad, but betrayed. It hurts. Heartbreak isn't just about relationships, but about love.

And who is to say what love is?

Love can happen so fast, and leave even quicker. But the lasting effects, the feelings left with us after all said and done - those can't be defined by one simple word, "love", but by a million different things that contradict each other and make no sense.

It doesn't matter who broke you. Because your head can tell you that things WEREN'T supposed to work - that this is for the best, and you KNOW THAT, and like I said: it doesn't matter. It aches all the same. Because the first break really does hurt the most - it kind of just destroys the picture you have in your head, and leaves an ache that just can't be pushed aside. And it kind of lingers there for everything that comes afterwards.